New year, new me?

Happy New Year! How did you spend the last few hours of 2025? I honestly hope you all had a cracking time, or at least a better time than I did. I spent the majority of New Year's night in a depressed mood, crying my eyes out, feeling sorry for myself... Then hating myself and feeling guilty because I have no right to feel bad when I have so much to be thankful for in my life. Also, I was fighting off the back end of a cold and I was really hungry...the latter being the main issue, and probably the reason I let myself get into such a crap mood…I now realise in hindsight.

Anyway, enough negativity. My first resolution for the year is, as you might have already guessed... to write more. I started this blog over a year ago and although I had a semi-strong start with a grand total of four blog posts, which actually were very well received may I add...by my huge fanbase of about five people... I actually did not post anything in the last year. Oh, I did write stuff but I never actually finalised anything on paper, no instead I preferred to "write stuff" in my own head. Which basically means listening to my own constant stream of consciousness and thinking oh I should write that down...but never doing so. So my aim is to change this, and to start writing again, but most importantly to see each piece through. This will be difficult for me, but you know it's the 1st of Jan and I am feeling optimistic.

I have a numerous amount of other resolutions for this year, but I am not going to tell you about all of them at this time. As, if in the event I do not achieve them, I would rather wallow in sadness and disappointment on my own without the added burden of being a complete laughing stock. But in the event that I do achieve them, then I am sure that I will be back to gloat about them:) 

One thing that I would like to achieve this year, is to shed or at least dial down my bad habit of overthinking things. For those who don't know me very well, you will probably not know that I really struggle with overthinking. This is honestly something that affects me every single day of my life. 

Some days it means that I lie awake at night paranoid, replaying a conversation or scenario or problem in my head trying to figure out if there was a way I could have done something better. Other days it means I am terrified of doing everyday things like taking a flight or driving my car, because I can't help but think about all the million and one things that could possibly go wrong. I also can't help but visualise all these worst-case scenarios within my own mind... with the help of my overactive imagination of course. (There's nothing like having your own personal horror movies play on demand... Tickets anyone?)

And yes I understand that these scenarios and worst-case outcomes are highly unlikely to occur but they are all possible. I am not going about my day imagining that a unicorn is going to drop out of the sky and land on my head, but I am thinking that I could be driving along the road and my tyre could pop and I skid off the road or that someone else could crash into me or that I could not pay attention and do something stupid, or 100 other versions of me getting hurt or killed. 

And don't even get me started on flying wow... I hate it with all my guts. Before each flight, I literally will have imagined how I die on said flight at least 100 times. I have more than once in the past cried myself to sleep on days leading up to a flight. Some flights are worse than others, I am more scared on long-haul flights, and I often research airlines in advance and will choose the statistically safer option for long-haul flights even if it is more expensive. If I can avoid a flight by going by train, boat or road I will.

However, I DO NOT let that fear of flying control me. Yes, the days leading up to a flight are often an absolute hell where I have to battle my own mind. But I WILL NEVER let it stop me from doing one of the things I love most which is travelling the world. 

Although I don't let my overthinking stop me from doing stuff, it currently has a very big hold on me, and ultimately controls my inner peace and this is something I would like to work on. 

So new year equals new me? Honestly, I really hope so, there are quite a few changes I would like to make and bad habits that I need to shake. I know it's not going to be easy, but that does not mean that I am not going to try. I really hope that I am not going to turn out like one of those people who sign up to the gym on the first of January but by February they have given up. But I know we all have a similar story to tell, whether it's the gym, or giving up on junk food, or doom scrolling on our phones. The reality is we are all human and we all struggle with something, none of us are perfect, we are all battling ourselves on a daily basis.

The battle may be long, but the main thing is not to give up until you are satisfied with the outcome. So here is to another year of trying our best, and to small steps of progress, no matter how small they may be.